...Pull yourself together!

So as I mentioned, I suffer from an anxiety disorder. This is something of an umbrella term, as I suffer from many sub-types of anxiety within this. By anxiety disorder, I mean that I suffer from abnormal amounts of panic and anxiety which causes distress and physical symptoms such as panic attacks. Here are some of the sub-types I suffer from:

1) Generalised Anxiety: I tend to operate on a higher than average level of panic on a daily basis. In fact when I went to my first therapy appointment I was informed that I was actually hyperventilating as I talked, and I hadn't even noticed! 

2) Social Anxiety: This can take many forms, including agoraphobia. For me, I get anxious if I am in a large crowd, or if I am meeting new people or going to new places. A new aspect of this is that I am now terrified of terrorism or being murdered. This has resulted in me changing carriages on trains, walking three hours through London so I don't need to get the tube, and hiding from cars in case there will be a drive by shooting.

3) Toilet Anxiety: This one may sound funny, but its really nothing but. This is one of the types of anxiety I have suffered with since I was in primary school but never actually named. For years and years I was convinced I was the only person to suffer with it. Basically I get very anxious about needing the toilet and not being able to go, or being judged on my toilet habits. This means I don't like going to places where I don't know if there is toilet access, I don't like long journeys, I don't like being places where I might not be able to get to the toilet in time, I don't like going to the toilet when there are people around and if I absolutely have to I need to have the hand dryer or tap running! Let me tell you, this one can be a real pain, I still have never managed to go to a music festival *sad face*.

4) Health Anxiety: This is one I find particularly troubling. In fact in January I was put on anti depressants because I became totally convinced that I was dying of HIV. I tend to only worry about terminal illnesses, and particularly ones that would perhaps not be diagnosed easily. Some of my most common are: Ovarian cancer, Bowel cancer, Skin cancer, Brain tumour, Toxic Shock Syndrome, Meningitis, Early Onset Alzheimers, HIV, and even once...Mad Cow Disease.

These are my main issues. Are you wondering how I manage to live my life on a day to day basis? Join the club! So do I and so does my doctor and my therapist!